#1 Crush

This morning I was riding the bus to work. Yes i'm actually a 70 year old woman. that young girl you see posted all over this site is really my grand daughter and not me. srry.

Anywho, I was on the bus reading my issue of FIRST KISS ZINE!!!!! (best thing ever!!! more on it later. for now all you need to know is that its a zine about first kisses.SO CUTE!) anyways, all these stories are so cute...so cute that i felt inspired to make this post and embarrass myself forever but it doesnt matter because i dont live in florida anymore and whatever

....i guess it will when this kid googles his name and finds this post and reports me and my blog gets shut down and i die.

Elisabeth Donnelly and Carlen Altman's stories made me do this:

MY FIRST REAL CRUSH: Marc Cullinen (yeah i had to write his whole name, i was going to say Marc C. but i loved the last name so much that i have to include it.)

So i had this DISGUSTING, long lasting crush on a boy i think i met in 6th grade when i had a unibrow and a cheap hair straightener and braces and i looked like a  mouse. getting nauseous just thinking about it. thanks mom.

His name was Marc Cullinen. UGH total fucking dreamboat. His favorite band was NoFx. he was tall had a brown/red hair with a funny bowl cut that i guess i really digged at the time. He would talk about NoFx all day everyday and about how hes a bad ass and smokes weed. i dont think i knew what weed was until like 9th grade. One time he told the class about how "dood, my sister got a noise violation ticket this morning for blasting NoFx, fuck cops man. fuck them" i died. Miss G. dismissed his comment. i thought, wow tots a bad ass. i want to listen to NoFx in a car with u. he was a sk8r boy too i think, that might have given him an extra 20234 points.

I stared at the back of Marc's head all year, i'd secretly get sad inside when the teacher moved him for talking, id fear every time she threatened to re assign seats. I DIDNT WANT TO LOSE MY MAN! sometimes he'd pass papers back and do that thing kids do at school when they pass papers back to joke around with the other, like pretend they are passing it and then pull away. Anyways. he did that, i don't think i laughed because i didnt even know what to do with myself. I thought. WOW HES JOKING WITH ME AHHH HWAHT DO I DO? DO I LAUGH? HOW DO I LAUGH?WAHT IF I LAUGH TOO HARD? WAHT IF MISS.G YELLS AT ME FOR LAUGHING WITH THE BAD BOY IN CLASS? WHAT IF I HAVE FOOD IN MY BRACES? WHAT IF MY STOMACH GROWLS!? ahhhhh. my thought process hasn't changed much since.

i think once he asked me if i liked NoFx and i jsut said "mmmhmm" and looked down.  all these missed convo opportunities made me just want to smash my head against a wall repeatedly.

I think Marc left during 8th grade or something or the second part?, he was kinda dumb and failed a year or something. I think my bff isabella and I used to draw pictures of him and some other boys we liked during class and pass them to each other. Sucks cause i started to get pretty again in 8th grade. I had a better straightener, no braces, and low rise pants.  Maybe Marc and I could have been bf and gf.

A couple years later at some surfer kids party in 9th or 10th grade i saw marc. I dont think he recognized me, i tried to hide for as long as i could. I just imagined him saying something like "wow you changed" or something embarrassing like that.

life was so hard, still is.

WELL none of that really matters to you because its not a first kiss story. i waited much longer for that. I just wanted to give you the background before i show you a picture of him. 

OR REPORT ME FOR BEING A CREEP (if you are reading this, please don't!!! please!!!)
yeah, thats him and his girl...From my lurking i think he lives in Georgia. its okay, one day he will lose all his adult man weight and he will look like a 13 year old boy again. Then i will kiss him and get my dream first kiss out of my head forever!!!yayyyyy. I swear he used to look like leonardo diCaprio

Though it was an embarrassing time and i spent wayyyyy too much time thinking about this kid, it was still a beautiful experience. Crushes rule.<3



Selma Drofn said...

my first crush was Nick Pinto!!!! hahahahah .... I had no English and he was in my class but was dating some slut named Alyssa. (we were eight). First kiss .... Mark Cancelliere (Mark Ridgeway) .... Facebook if you must. 8th grade... Muvico arcade (where else?) and Mr.Bloukos saw the whole thing and told Shilah i'd end up being a whore on the streets.


Uriel said...

I WAS THERE TO WATCH MY DAD CATCH SELMA! i was casually lurking around behind this car simulator game in the arcade room where they were "tongue kissing" acting like i wasnt watching. cos i was a loser and no boy would ever look at me.

my first crush/kiss are the same person- it was johnny caruso- i was in first grade. i was so mean to him. we were waiting at parent pickup on the yellow painted lines. it was valentines day, he threatened to kiss me on the cheek, i told him id tell on him, he kissed me anyways. i was so scared i told on him and he was moved. i was so upset for telling.

first tongue kiss, eddie lucas 6th grade rachael cohens party, i kissed him DIRECTLY after he kissed maggie hicks. i said id only do it if she did it first.

Shilah said...

Selma. "I had no english" ? Well since you have it now, you should speak it probably.

What a terribly awkward car ride home after my father witnessed Selma's first tongue kiss with a latin boy with gelled curly hair and frosted tips. And braces.

My first crush was Andrew Delarosa. We were in Pre-K together and our class put on a school play for the parents. We were 4. Andrew was a snake charmer and I was his harem dancer. I wore a costume that showed my stomach and make up on my face and danced in circles around Andrew waving fabric and shaking my hips. Born to be a slut. \m/ I thought I was so sexy and hoped that as a result of my harem dancing, stomach showing, make up wearing charm, Andrew would want to marry me. There is a video of this play. I'm grinning from ear to ear the entire time. The crowd thought I was just being cute. In reality, I was simply ecstatic to be dancing next to my man and in my head it was just he and I and he was in love with me and my sexy charm. Much to my chagrin, he didn't find me sexy, and he didn't fall in love with me, and he didn't want to marry me. I was just giving it away for nothing. Sigh. Story of my life.

My first kiss was Alex Guenther. We were in 5th grade and he was my boyfriend. He was tall and thin and had curly strawberry hair and a goofy smile because he was always embarrassed and he gave me butterflies and made me want to fake sick so I wouldn't have to go to school and see him because I was so nervous. One day after school, my 2 girl friends and I met up with him and his 2 boy friends at a plaza to get ice cream. He held my hand when we walked and I didn't like it. He payed for my ice cream too. I didn't like that either. I was the only one there with a boyfriend and I was so nervous I just wanted to go home. We all sat at the same table in the ice cream parlor. I was sitting across from Alex. About 5 minutes in, everyone was giggling and nudging Alex and then they all promptly went outside. My stomach was in knots. I knew he was going to kiss me and they were all going to watch through the window. I was so embarrassed I could hardly look at him. Then the worst thing happened. He got up from his seat and came and sat in the booth next to me. I felt like throwing up. He played with his fingers, and looked down at the table, and stumbled around his words. I pretended to be really into my ice cream. I figured if I kept my mouth occupied, he wouldn't try and kiss it. Inevitably, I ran out of ice cream. He noticed and he kissed me right on the lips. All I could think was he'd better not try that again when my mom picks me up.